digital sarah art joy

showing up is hard, but why

~ 2 minutes to read

Yesterday I was productive and crossed off everything except one thing off my to-do list. I was hopeful that meant today would be equally productive, but I swear sometimes it seems like I can't have two days in a row where I get things done.

Yesterday I was excited about the idea of working on Impulse Bye. (I spent a couple hours reading and chilling in a park on Sunday and saw a couple of bunnies, and me being an English major aka a believer in symbolism, I felt hopeful when I read that they symbolize abundance and new beginnings; although at this point, is it still a new beginning or a beginning that I'm drawing out?) But today, when I would start to point my brain and body towards working on it, I could feel resistance pop up.

So, here I am now writing this instead of opening up FlutterFlow or Linear or writing out tasks in my notebook. Why the fuck are transitions into working on things so hard sometimes? Where does this friction come from? I know where to start: a task list. I know what comes after that: prioritizing. I know what comes after that: picking a task and doing it.

Dev task lists:

Admin task list:

In order of priority:

  1. Google & Apple sign in
  2. update pricing in app and also RevenueCat
  3. new Google Play account
  4. deploy to testing environments
  5. website updates

Oh, of course brain, you'd like to work on updating the website first. I'm already in BearBlog, so I get it, you're already in this mindset and zone, and maybe building a new home for Impulse Bye will get you more psyched. Are you just scared? Of feeling lost and confused by jumping back into FlutterFlow? It's okay to admit that. Even if you do feel lost and confused, you know it wouldn't last long. You have a knack for figuring things out.

Okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna work on planning the website a little bit. Plan the sitemap, brainstorm some styling. But then. We are opening FlutterFlow and Linear and we are sitting with the discomfort of feeling like you have no fucking clue what to do. And hopefully, when you come back on Thursday, you'll feel ready to work.

(I made a sticker inspired by Jenny Holzer's Benches; it's the phrase "You will never feel like it" embossed on marble, and is meant to be a reminder that feelings shouldn't really dictate when or if we do something. But at the same time, I find that when I work with my feelings, instead of against them, shit works out better. The question then becomes how to know if that resistance is needing rest or motivation? and how to inspire feelings of motivation when that's the case? Writing this was an attempt, and I do feel more motivated, so let's see what happens next.)

#creating #impulse bye